Saturday, 3rd of April 1999.

Lacking good title...

    Last night the syrens, just like any other evening, announced the arrival of airplanes and beginning of an air raid. I couldn't dream this night will be so special. At the sound of syrens, most of the buildning's lodgers roar down the staircase running to the shelter, in naive belief that imitating rats may save their lives. Few yet remain in their appartments upstairs, thus challenging the bombs which fall around. True, they didn't fall this close, until tonight.

    I sat laid back in my armchair and chatted with a couple of friends, using the comfort of modern communications. The window was open. That's a precaution of mine, because I don't want to be, in case of near hit, cut with the glass. The experience of those who live closer to Batajnica. They get hit often. For a moment it seemed to me that I was hearing some distant detonation. The friends I chatted with heard nothing, so I thought it's the thunder, because of the rain. One wants to calm himself even in war conditions, to dismiss his fear to natural sounds. Then I heard the ominous wheezy sound, just like something flew by above my head. I thought it could be for the worst, that they may be targeting the building of state and federal Ministries of Interior, two closest targets only few hundreds of meters away from my building. They were announcing for days they will do it, but I couldn't believe.

    And then everything shook, as if in an earthquake, and a horrible explosion echoed. My romm was in half dark, and then it was all red for a moment. I flew out of the room and ran into the living room where those buildings can be seen from. Then I heard another sound and heard two detonations, rockets hitting the building and huge cloud of smoke. Didn't know what to do. I hid in the corridor between the carrier walls and listened. I heard two more explosions but didn't hear the ominous sound, the one that freezes the blood in your veins...

    I put my shoes on, the prepared back-sack on my back, took my jacket in my hand, and moved on. Then I returned and powered my comp off, which I usually don't do. Took another look throug the window and saw a red mushroom and tongues of fire scraping the sky dozens of meters high in the air. There where one of the building was, there was nothing except a huge fire. I ran down the staircase together with other heroes who remained upstairs on their floors. Downstairs it was general panic, everyone was shouting something, running around and being hysterical. I backed away from the building so no glass would fall on my head. And then the detonations went off. The building, while burning, released explosions one by one. I heard whistling sounds and saw parts of the building all around. The distance being only couple hundred meters, I retreated into a shelter, to my building. In its entrance, where you usually find many people, there was noone anywhere. Just two or three people watched it burning down and the first firemen arriving.

    I watched the torch, unable to detach from the same. I remembered my childhood. The street where these buildings are was the first street to be tied to my memories. The dearest street of Belgrade. So many times I walked there, drove my bicycle in the summer when it wasn't crowded, came home that way when I went out downtown. I never liked those two buildings, it employed some people who had beaten me during various protests. Now I was sorry. Not for the people, for the street. I hated whoever did it. It was not necessary. Caprice. I felt helpless, raging because of that. I raged for the fear I experienced.

    After this, nothing is the same, at least for me. They attacked my feelings, the space I loved. The detonations and children crying in the basement kept ringing in my ears.

    After that I returned upstairs again. I watched the fire from above, and called my best friend, who couldn't believe that one of the two building exists no more. Then I returned downstairs and spent the rest of the evening playing cards. I listened to the news from a small TV set in the house council's room. Just before dawn, while air alert was still on, I went upstairs and fell asleep. I remembered only one question of the CNN speakers about whether there will be as many people on the concert tomorrow. Though I'm disgusted by grand&mega;&deki;&allallall;&discotheques; on the square, I felt a desire to go there.

    In the morning, when I woke up, I went to the place where the bombs fell. My street is a continuation of Knez Milos street, at the very beginning of which those two buildings are. On my way I met people who were returning. They were all in bad moods, looking before their feet, to the ground. I read anger and powerlessness from their faces. I looked inquisitively at them... as if I wanted to ask them how was it there? What's got? What does it really look like, from close range? And then I reached the site.

    One of the buildings is pre-war, old. It completely burned and only the outer carrier walls remained, and the concrete floor plates. It was completely black. The spot the bomb hit was visible. The only place where the front side was broken through. Nothing remained except this skeleton. Across the street, a newer, until yesterday all-metal-and-steel building was reduced to a burned pile. The concrete plates were laid down just like leaves of paper in a closed copybook. The glass existed no more. The steel was still melting and burning. Both were still letting some dark smoke out of their internals. About thousand people silently stood around. Just a random angry swearing scraped the silence. The firemen were still meddling around. The police forbid taking pictures.

    I turned and went home. I took a look at the maternity ward, which is just 50 meters away, the appartment buildings which were cracked and stained just about ten meters behind... I walked slowly across the bridge, and thought when will it be torn down. I was close to home, when I noticed a kid who was going to the place where the bombs fell. He looked at me, and looked down to the ground, somewhere ahead of myself... and I wished I'd fall into it.

anonymous