Monday, June 07th 1999

Beginning and attempt for end

    On that particular march the 24th, the vary day when bombardment started, I was finishing some business downtown, as everything was normal. I got home eventually and saw my 14-old year daughter crying. She was alone. My wife with our three-year old son was visiting her mother, on the opposite part of town. Why you are crying, I asked confused. It will be war, kids told me in school, and she replayed. I doubt it, I comforted her. I really thought so. In fact, I believed in common sense of man in whom I never believed. I believed that in the last moment, and because of his own personal reasons, he will bent over. And just in the very moment when I calmed my daughter, it happened. Extremely large explosion, building was shaking, windows were squeaking, window frames were rustling, like they'll pop out. She was looking at me confused, with unspoken words, you see, it happened. I still didn't believe that something like this is possible. If he don't have responsibility toward his own people, the World must have. I looked through window; there was nothing to see. Instinctively, I was going through the house, opening windows. I guess, if missile miss us, to save windows in one piece. And just one thought run through my head. I was naive in my daughter's eyes. Why, I wondered, why I am naive. Why I believed in moves of man to whom I never believed? Phone rings, it's my mother. Do you hear sirens, she asks. She hears them. Phone, again. This time, my brother asks can I hear sirens. No, I don't hear them. I hear explosions and detonations, but no sirens. I am still confused - is it really began? Maybe it was some meaningless explosion, and those who are responsible for sirens turn them on, thinking that war started. I still don't believe that it started, I still believe in moves of man to whom I never believe. Again phone! This time, my acquaintance, which lives nearby, calls. He can see, through his window, where first missile hit. So, it IS started. I am telling him that in some parts of city people can hear sirens. He didn't hear them, either. As we talked, I heard him say: "Here it is!" Explosions and detonations were event harder this time. This is horrible. Phone line still works, and acquaintance describes me how it looks like when missile explodes, he can see that through his window. I'm listening and I'm thinking - my daughter and rest of kids knew what is going to happen, and I believed. I believed to man, to whom I never believe. Acquaintance tells me that he can see fire, some trees, with no leaves. Yes, yes, I am saying distantly and I'm thinking. Kids knew, and I believed. Well, ok, I am naive and kids are not. So, why then they are targeting kids? Aimed spot is in populated Belgrade area. And there are kids, which knows, and hear are we, who believes. We are located less than 1 kilometer from where missile hit. Still, there are no sirens.

    These days, there are no sirens, too. Word is that end is close. He accepted "proposal of agreement". There are no sirens, because there are no air raid warning. Do they (World) believe him, too? Who will pay (suffer) when they learn the truth? We, again. As I'm writing this, my daughter approaches me with question: "Dad, what do you think, is this end of bombardment?" Thank God, she still believes me. Her trust means much to me. And, what can I say to her?

Gordan, age 38